Are you looking to deepen a healthy relationship, rejuvenate a worn-out one, or save one before it ends prematurely? How do you know if you need help? Contact me for a free phone consultation 817-307-8725 and we can discuss your concerns. We all want a safe, secure loving relationship but sometimes we need help. It’s a good thing we don’t have to do this alone.
In my couples counseling I use a model called EFT (Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy) developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. EFT is based on attachment theory and 30 years of research understanding and alleviating relationship problems. This model uses a systematic and empirically validated theory of adult bonding to help couples create safe, secure loving relationships.
We know from attachment theory that our relationships with early caregivers help us form a blueprint (or an internal working model) for how relationships work and how we view ourselves. Our adult love relationships typically mirror these early relationships with parents. More than likely we brought the early attachment style with our caregiver into our adult love relationships. The good news is that regardless of the type of childhood we had (neglectful, abusive, or inadequate) or the type of attachment strategy we developed; we can learn to create the emotional security we missed and form good relationships with our own partners. Thankfully we don’t have to be perfect partners to create secure relationships but we do need to learn new skills in order to move toward a secure attachment style.
One of the skills that I help couples learn is how to send clear emotional signals. For example, if we have learned to avoid intimacy in order to manage anticipated disappointment we may be sending confusing emotional cues to our partner. Such as, “I don’t think you can really be there for me so, “I‘m going to try not to need you”. In order to create a relationship where each partner feels a sense of security and comfort to face the fears and anxiety’s of today, we have to send the right emotional cues. Such as, “I’m afraid if I really rely on you and open up, you won’t be there for me and so I keep things to myself, it feels lonely and I don’t want to do that anymore”.
The first step in sending the right emotional cues is to tune into your own body and understand what you are feeling. Whatever you are feeling is ok, just notice it. The second step is to put words to what you are feeling. That might look like this: I’m afraid to tell you what I need; or I’m feeling sad that I don’t know you better; or I’d like to feel closer to you and I’m not sure how to do that. When we slow down and check in with ourselves and get clear about what’s happening inside, and we put words to these experiences, we help to calm our nervous system. The third step is to share this with your partner; coming from THIS place. When we speak from this place inside of ourselves we are more likely to send the emotional cues that are clear and in alignment with how we feel.
For example: you are important to me; you matter to me; I am here for you or we can get through this together. Learning how to send clear emotional cues involves new ways of interacting with your partner. We can’t change the way we were raised but we can learn how to build secure relationships at any point in our lives. When we can understand our own attachment style, move toward more secure attachment strategies and create the emotional security we longed for with our own families it has the power to transform generations. If you would like help learning more about how you can create a more secure relationship, please contact me to schedule an appointment.
- $140 per 50 minute session
- $210 per 75-minute session
- Weekend and evening appointments available
- Online sessions available
- Cash, check, Major Credit Cards, Health Savings Accounts and Flex Spending Cards are accepted for payment
- I do not accept insurance. I am considered an out of network provider with insurance companies. Please contact your insurance company and ask what coverage you have to see an out of network provider. It is good to get this in writing. Payment is expected at time of service but I will provide a detailed receipt for you to submit to your insurance company for you to request reimbursement.